Raising Athletes
Raising Athletes is the ultimate guide for parents supporting their young athletes on the journey toward college recruitment and beyond. Hosted by experts in sports development, recruiting, and mental performance, this show provides actionable advice, inspiring stories, and practical tools to help parents navigate the competitive world of youth athletics. From goal-setting and skill development to navigating the recruiting process, Raising Athletes is your trusted playbook for helping your child achieve their athletic dreams while building character and resilience.
Order your copy of the PGM Athlete Performance Planner: www.PGMAthlete.com
Raising Athletes
The Private Coach vs. Team Coach Dilemma: What's Best for Your Athlete?
The tug-of-war between a private instructor's individualized techniques and a team coach's system creates genuine confusion for young athletes. This tension—particularly acute for pitchers and hitters—forces kids to choose between specialized instruction they've paid for and the coach who controls their playing time.
Drawing from experience as both a Division I pitcher and youth coach, I tackle this delicate situation head-on. The reality? There is a right answer. When a general team coach without specialized expertise tries overriding the mechanics taught by a dedicated pitching or hitting instructor, it disrupts the 5,000 hours needed for skill mastery and creates unnecessary mental stress.
Consider the softball changeup example—coaches often teach just one grip to an entire team for convenience, ignoring the crucial variables of hand size, wrist movement, and physical differences that determine which grip works best for each individual athlete. This one-size-fits-all approach sacrifices quality for coaching convenience.
Parents navigating this conflict should assess three critical questions: What's your child's long-term athletic goal? Who truly knows your child's body mechanics better? Which method prioritizes individualized progress over generic instruction? The answers provide clarity on which path serves your athlete's development.
I offer practical strategies for resolving these coaching conflicts with respect and effectiveness: communicate privately with coaches rather than creating public confrontations, seek performance-based compromises, encourage your athlete to advocate for themselves, and document private training sessions. The PGM Athletic Performance Planner provides an excellent tool for tracking this specialized instruction.
Remember the three C's your young athlete needs: consistency, clarity, and confidence. When we prioritize long-term development over immediate conformity, we create an environment where young athletes truly thrive—both on and off the field. Share this episode with another sports parent navigating these same challenging waters!
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What happens when a private pitching instructor teaches your young athlete one technique but then their team coach insists on them actually learning a different technique. We're going to explore this very common scenario and how it impacts your young athlete's development, confidence and potentially even their playing time. Raising athletes the things that causes all dads to go bald and moms to buy minivans. Empowering parents to help their kids succeed. So this is definitely a common scenario. You probably have had your child experience it already, and that is, your child is on a team where their coach is insisting that they play a certain way, team where their coach is insisting that they play a certain way. This really impacts mainly pitchers and then hitters and then everyone else. And then what happens is their private instructor, though they're teaching very specific techniques based on that individual, and it's confusing for that young athlete. It's definitely impacting their confidence because they're a little bit confused going back and forth, and then there's some fear involved. Will it affect my playing time if I abandon everything I'm learning with my private instructor just to cater to what the coach is asking me to do? It's a good question and it's one that we need to explore a little bit today. Now, the first thing is is there a right and is there a wrong? And I'm going to say right here, confidently, I'm going to put it out there there absolutely is a right and a wrong way when it comes to this particular scenario with, I'll put one disclaimer, and the one disclaimer is that when your coach is also a very reputable, experienced private instructor, then he's going to bring to the table a level of expertise that you can definitely trust. Now, in other scenarios this is a much more common scenario. Now that I'm going to talk about is you have your child on a team where they're not a pitching, a private pitching instructor. It could be that they played, but maybe they were an infielder, an outfielder, they weren't a pitcher. And you are having your child then take private pitching lessons to really refine and dig deep into his pitching mechanics. Well, in that scenario, what's the right and wrong? Dig deep into his pitching mechanics? Well, in that scenario, what's the right and wrong? Well, it's wrong for that coach to arrogantly force a child to pitch a certain way based on his level of comfort and his limited knowledge on that particular position, versus deferring to the expert. In this case, it's the private pitching instructor who has proven results and proven experience in that particular area of that particular sport. So there is a right and a wrong. Now, with the ever-growing popularity of travel, sports and private instruction, we are seeing this become an issue for a lot of kids, for a lot of families, and but also I'm a coach for coaches as well, and so here's how I have handled that.
Speaker 1:Now me myself I was a pitcher. I was a division one full scholarship athlete. I played at a high level, got to play all over the place, and I also, when I was younger, received private instruction. When I was older, in college, I even had opportunities to be taught by some of the leading pitching structures instructors, I'll say, in the world. In fact, one guy who actually spent a lot of time with me, he's the longest standing pitching coach in the history of the MLB. So I bring a lot to the table Now for the kids that come on my team and that I am now coaching.
Speaker 1:Now I have the ability to coach them. However, especially with new kids, I always have a conversation my conversation number one with the parents and the kid are you taking private instruction? Two, who are they taking private instruction from? And then I want to learn what their their instructor is teaching them, so that now I can sort of adapt what we're doing to what the kid has already learned, because the game is hard and also it is expensive and I want to respect both of those things. Now, as someone who's got the experience, I can definitely easily adapt to something else that the kid has been taught and I want to make sure we're doing that, or else we're making it hard for the kid. If I'm going to teach something completely different than the child has learned, then he's going to be confused. It's not going to benefit me as a coach. He's not going to be able to contribute to the team as well, as if he's focusing we know the rules here right In order to become elite. It's 5,000 hours. If we cut into that by now, the kid has to learn something else we're going to disrupt that particular process. So we've got to be very, very careful here.
Speaker 1:Now let's deal with some of more of this real life scenario and some of the concerns that parents have, the concerns that I've heard a lot. Now, this is a subject that is heated. You go online, you go into Facebook groups people are heated right now. And private coaches they're worried about the long-term development and risk of bad habits Ready. That's valid. That is a valid concern that these people have, because private instructors are dealing with the individual versus trying to teach to the masses. So it's not a pitch, especially pitching, it's not a one size fits all thing you have to be able to teach to the young athlete. Private instructors are able to do that really, really well, so their concern is valid here. Second concern is that the team coach is focused on system consistency. So here's a great example In softball, now also a little bit in baseball, but in softball there's several different ways that you can teach a pitcher how to grip and throw a changeup.
Speaker 1:What a lot of coaches will do. They will learn one or they were taught one, and so that's easier for the coach and easier maybe the things for the kids. He insists on all of the girls learning this one particular type of changeup. The problem with this it's not a one size fits all Learning different change up grips for softball pitchers. There's a lot of variables involved. How tall is the pitcher? How large are their hands? Are they able to actually control the different types of grips? Do they have a natural pronation of the wrist, like there's so many complicated variables when it comes to what change up grip a softball pitcher could have For a coach to say we're all learning one means you don't understand all of that stuff and you're willing to compromise quality for convenience, and that's not good for the kids and that's also not good for the team.
Speaker 1:Now, another concern that people have is that players. They feel pressure and they feel confused. I've seen girls come on my team where they've experienced that before and it's about people pleasers and they're like oh, whatever it is that you guys are teaching, I'll just do that. I don't think that's the right approach. I want to get to know the athlete. I want to know what's good for them, what they've learned, how they've learned, what are their strengths then, what are their weaknesses, and then we can determine in the case of the change up, are you throwing that change up really, really well that you were taught in the past? Well, guess what? We're going to stick with it, because are you comfortable and confident? If they say yes, guess what? Then that's the one we're gonna stick with. It's my job not to force our child to do something that they're not comfortable with. Simply, that's just my level of knowledge. It's about adapting to the child, to the athlete, understanding strengths and weaknesses.
Speaker 1:I remember that my calculus teacher when I was in high school her name was Mrs Bowling awesome teacher. She's famous for this one line. Anyone who ever took her class. She said the same thing about math, which can be hard, but she did say there's more than one way to get the cow into the barn. That simply means there's more than one way of doing it. So your only one way of throwing a change up. That's not the only way. There's more than one way of doing it. So you're only one way of throwing a change up. That's not the only way. There's lots of different things. And again, like I said before, you got to be able to be educated and understand that child, to know what's best for them.
Speaker 1:This is where, again, private instructors, in my opinion, take precedence over the coach's opinion about pitching mechanics. You know, if you're a coach and you're listening and you're mad at me right now, I need you to just let what I said digest a little bit. The pitching instructors are dealing with an individual athlete. Coaches you're dealing with just the entire team and you're trying to force consistency within a system that doesn't help an individual, because all kids are different, their abilities are different, their physiques are different and we need to be able to adapt to that individual to get the most out of that particular young athlete. Now let's think about what's really at stake here. Ultimately, this conversation and in some of the Facebook groups the arguments really boils down to what's at stake. Now here's the key considerations here. Number one confidence and mental stress on the athlete. Two risk of injury or inconsistency by constantly switching between mechanics. Three short-term playing time versus long-term development. And four potential to lose the trust in both the coaches trust in and from that young athlete.
Speaker 1:Now here's a few questions that I'm gonna arm parents with that parents can be asking themselves to help them navigate this particular scenario. The first great question and you can write this down for future reference, that these are questions parents can be asking themselves is what's the athlete's long-term goal? It's important to understand what that long-term goal is, be self-aware to create an honest goal, because then you can run these scenarios through the filter of that goal and ask yourself does this help my child fulfill his ultimate goal? Second question who knows your athlete's body and style better? This is a big one. So you got this scenario the coach is telling you one thing, the private instructor is telling you another. Use discretion here. Right? You know your child really well. You're at their lessons, you're at their practices with their coach, you're at the games You've observed. You know these individuals pretty well. You need to be honest In your opinion. Who knows your child's body and style better? Is it the private instructor or is it the coach? That should be a factor here.
Speaker 1:The last question that I suggest you ask yourself is which method is based on individualized progress and science versus generic instruction? Now, we already covered that particular topic, but that's a really important one. So always just think through those three questions. That'll help you navigate that scenario to determine what's best for your young athlete. So what are the next steps? What are the next action steps for parents and for these young athletes? Well, first is navigating the conflict. It's one thing to identify, it's one thing for you to understand. All right, I've made a decision what's best for my kid but how do you navigate the conflict now? Well, here's the first thing I recommend.
Speaker 1:Communication is key. Meet with the team coach privately and discuss the concerns. I would not create a public display because you're going to be putting the coach in an uncomfortable position where he's now going to defend his authority. You have to pull him aside privately and just have an honest discussion to find common ground. There's a healthy compromise that benefits everyone involved the team and the individual. Ask your child if, ask if this is asking the coach, ask if your child can stick with private mechanics as long as she performs. That sounds like a healthy compromise to me.
Speaker 1:Three, you can advocate for your child respectfully. I'm going to emphasize respectfully. I'm going to emphasize respectfully. Let the team coach know that you value consistency, you value long-term growth, you appreciate what they're doing and the investment that they've made into their child. Let them know that you are in fact advocating for them. Four, let the players speak. Oftentimes I see kids not advocating for themselves and parents are the only voice for their child. Encourage confidence, encourage leadership. Encourage them to step outside of their comfort zone and share their concerns and share their questions with their coaches. That only benefits them long-term and helps them to develop really important qualities as individuals. Lastly, stay aligned with the private coach. Make sure private training is documented videos, notes, all these conversations. It's so important that you do that.
Speaker 1:The best way of documenting all these things. Honestly, get yourself the pgm athletic Performance Planner. I actually have one, look right here. Get yourself the PGM Athlete Planner, right here. This is perfect and it's designed for that very thing. One of the advantages of this is not just for the benefit of the child's growth that they can refer to this, but now you've got actual proof and evidence of what your child's doing. Because, number one, some coaches don't believe that kids are taking private lessons. Number two, let's be honest, some coaches don't know everything. In fact, I'm going to argue I'm trying to be nice about it All coaches don't know everything. Coaches know something, right, but by documenting everything in your book, you get to document what drills are doing, what specific elements of the mechanics of your child's athletic development is your private instructor working on. You've got details that now the coach can what Use as reference, because maybe the child doesn't understand.
Speaker 1:Let's go back to that example I gave about the change up. This has happened quite often. I'll ask the kids when I get to the question of what other pitches they throw. I ask them okay, I say, what's change up? A lot of the kids they don't know the names of the change up, they just show me. So what would be great if they had this. We can refer back to the notes to find out what changeup they're working on, what drills they're doing right now to help them develop that particular changeup. That's awesome stuff. Now, once you have information, what happens? Everyone's aligned. The private instructor is aligned with the coach because of the information that is at hand. Honestly, I cannot recommend it any more than that.
Speaker 1:Lastly, let's tackle some myth busters. This is one of my favorite parts of the show. We're going to be myth busting as it relates to this particular topic. So common myths all great pitchers throw the same. That is a big fat, and that is not true at all. All you have to do is watch one game to see the opposing pitchers and realizing holy cow, they're completely different.
Speaker 1:The second myth the team coach always knows what's best. That is not true. The team coach I'm not undermining you guys. You guys know a lot, you're invested into that particular community and that's awesome, but no one individual actually knows everything. I think we need to be confident but also have enough humility to understand that we don't know everything and it's okay to defer to the experts.
Speaker 1:The next myth is changing your style to match the team is just part of being coachable. Now coaches would say oh yeah, that's truth. That is a myth. That is not true at all. That's not the definition of being coachable. Another myth as long as she's pitching well, mechanics don't matter. Please tell me that. Everyone knows that. That is a big fat. That is a myth. That is not true. Just because someone has displayed some level of result, even though they're doing everything wrong, doesn't mean that it's okay. So I think it's important for us to understand what these myths are, understand the correct way. All of us align, put arrogance aside and realizing we're all doing this for the best interest of our kids, both today and tomorrow. And if we're doing that and that's our goals as parents and as coaches, well then we need to be a little bit more aligned with everyone that's part of that village to raise that child to be such a successful individual, both on and off the field.
Speaker 1:Here's some final thoughts that I want to leave you with you guys. Key points Long-term development should always take priority over immediate conformity. Two athletes need consistency. They need clarity. They need confidence. It's the three C's. They need confidence. It's the three C's. Four parents play a vital role in advocating for their athlete's best interest. We all have big dreams for our kids, but we have to make sure that they're realistic, that the kids are on board with it and it'll benefit them when their playing is done, because what we do on the field is supposed to also help them off the field. Guys, thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Raising Athletes. We are in this together, we're in the trenches together. We're doing this together. People, we can do it. The tide rises for all ships. I'm looking forward to building this community with you guys. So do me a favor Share this with someone that you know who's also raising an athlete. That would benefit from this particular community. Take care, guys.
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